When you hear talk about bringing out the inner child in you, you would mostly think about bringing yourself back to thinking back as a child again—carefree, zero inhibitions, innocent and full of possibilities.
Consider for a moment who your inner child is. What is the earliest un-impressioned memory you had as a child? Research has found that the earliest childhood memory likely ranges from the age of 3-4years old. Anything earlier might actually be fictional. This is because the earliest memory is pinned along with the time an individual recognises language. Language is needed not only in sharing experiences but also in encoding them. With language, an individual develops an association with a sense of self. This allows them to pin events based on a personal story as something that has happened to them.
Understanding this is important; as an infant, our brains have no concept of understanding, also known as infantile amnesia.
Inner Child = The Mind
So if our inner child is associated with stored memories, it is from those memories that become a lens through which we see the world as an adult. If we have experienced ‘pain’ emotion attached to our memories, we then develop a personality trait unconsciously from that painful emotion in the past. Before we can even grow into our minds, we have been subconsciously conditioned to our environment.
Let’s say that if our needs were unmet as a child, needs that could not be met creates a wounded inner child. Most of the time, it is to no fault of our parents because they too were unaware of their own conditioning or with stress and the demands of everyday life. This can create a wounded cycle that could go unconscious for generations.
Signs of a wounded inner child
- Low self confidence
- Self sabotaging
- Lack of boundaries
- Lack of trust
- Needy / Sense of lack
- Difficulty expressing emotions
Recognising your wounded inner child
Understand that our mind’s job is to protect us. Our “inner child thinking” gets triggered when we experience an emotion similar to a past wounding. Reading Dr Nicole LePera’s book How to do the Work, a vital part of recognising your inner child is acknowledging the hurt in the past. (no past wounds are too small for a child not to be acknowledged)
- When an emotion get’s triggered. It’s the opportunity to reflect and to ask yourself; “Why am I triggered and feeling this emotion?”
- Write your inner child a letter acknowledging the emotion and also reinstating an intention that you would like to create from this acknowledgement. Example: ~ I recognise the emotion of low self worth. When you were young, you always felt like the outsider because how you felt you were not as good as others because of the color of your skin. As a little girl, it left a deep sense of unworthiness and it confused you and isolated you from others. However I know now that my mind is holding onto this memory as a way to caution me from experiencing life with a full sense of worthiness (because my mind is unfamiliar with it). So therefore I am going to set my intention and my emotion towards being mindful, confident, energised and a joyful human being. ~
- Place boundaries. Like any conscious parent would to protect their child. Saying NO to people and to environments or even thoughts that do not serve you and your intention for growth.
With a blessing letting them go.